I sit here in my dark little room, thinking to myself that something is wrong in my life. It's an old feeling, back from the days of Tyler... before Huntermun ever breathed his first breath. It's a horrible thought to think about, because I've done so much work getting away from all that depressing lifestyle... but when you only have a few select things to do in your days, and you feel like you're doing bad at all those few things... it doesn't leave you a lot to be happy with.

I miss drawing. Something is keeping me from it. I don't know what. I have a whole bunch of pictures in my head, but I can't seem to form any of them up. I think Moonie use to speak of this, but I haven't had this kind of drawers block before or for so long. It's not that I can't think of anything to draw. I can. I can even picture it... but whenever I sit down to draw these things, something stops me... saps the will to do it form me.

I miss my 360... I can't get people to play the Wii with me, and my PS3 is too often a hassle. I know the Wii's excuse, but you'd think that Sony would have figured out a way to give you notifications of friends, be able to compare Trophies without having to load anything to the internet, and have a more obvious message system. I miss being able to just hit a button and see how many friends I have online and who's playing what.

Lokimun is around a lot, and I'm glad he's here. I am getting to see a whole lot of TV shows and such on DVD that I have again after so long... because I hate watching them alone and now he's always here. I hate doing just about anything alone. I'll even do things I hate if I get to do them with other people. And with Maiden and Crunchy hanging out in the basement almost constantly, I rarely get to see either of them.

I think my faults among myself and my friends have to do with my LARP Game that I've been running for just this side of two years. I am not the Storyteller I set out to be. I initially started my Game because no one else would do it... no one would run a Chronicle... and it occurred to me that I do enjoy a good story and can manage to tell one most of the time... and so if no one else would run a Game, then I would. My point was not to be in charge or to do things differently... it was to run a Game that at worst was average and at best was epic... so that other people could have fun.

I succeeded and I failed in a lot of different ways over these two years. My Game is the longest running of any LARP I've ever been a part of at 56 Games, and the first weekend of November 2009 will start my Third Year. I've managed to keep the story straight and to keep moving forward with it... but in the grand scheme of things, I don't think anyone cares about it. I don't think it's interesting to other people, and I'm not sure how to make it so... so on that level, I have largely failed.

You can't please everyone all of the time, but I still thought I could manage a better average after all this time. It's been in a rut and I've given serious thought to making a plot to end it all. Maybe I will... The disagreements stack up... liberties with the universe, changing of the rules, adding to the rules, allowances of certain types of characters... I seem to have upset someone at each and every turn, and I am running out of ideas of how to deal with it.

I need new blood, but I can't get it. Oh, what I would give to have the input of an AST again as I'm now running things alone... but more enjoyable would be if I could manage to talk someone into taking over the story at some point so that they could bring new ideas into the Chronicle... and that perhaps I could play.

I want to ST because I think I'm good at it and because I don't think anyone else will. If I stop, who runs Game? But is it better to have any Game at all than to have no Game? The Vampire Game here in Greenville is shit, but it's a Cam Game so it just keeps going on and on. Do I want to be that Game? The running gag, the joke... the 'Oh yeah, Tyler's Game' Chronicle? No. I don't. If people aren't having fun, I should stop. It's the logic that got me into this whole mess...

I started being ST for people to have fun... but if people aren't having fun, then I'm just a failure. If people aren't having fun, I should just stop. It's not like I haven't tried to renew interest... I have. But it's been about half a year of people being disinterested in my Game... of my Players talking to each other without including me about all that's wrong and leaving me out of things. I want to know what's wrong so I can fix it, and no one's been telling me.

I did my bi-yearly questionnaire at this past Game. I asked everyone all their problems and they all told me... Now I have a list of what to keep track of and what's expected of me, and I have a goal to aim for to fix everything. Will it matter? No offense to my Players and friends, but I doubt it. I think I've lost everyone's trust in being a good ST... and so even if I can get going in the right direction, I don't think anyone will care. Everyone has done their own thing and gone out of their way to avoid any story I ever lay down before them...

Crunchy says he hates my story and my NPC's, but will in the same breath say he doesn't know what the story is. Lokimun claims to have gone out of his way to interact with my story, but I cannot recall an active effort on his part to see my story. The truth is, in the beginning I more or less forced people to go along with my plot in one form or another, and it worked and they had fun, but a lot of people disliked that. When I freed up the story so they could do what they wanted and still pursue the story, most everyone choose to do their own thing...

I'm just rambling at this point, but I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, I want everyone to have fun and I have a plan try and get that in motion... but on the other hand, my Players distrust my choices and spit in my face at every turn. They may not realize it, but I know I currently suck as an ST. They think because I make big choices about Game as an ST that go along with what I think after speaking with them that I'm not listening to them. It's not true. I take in all choices, and then go with my gut... but to them, I am ignoring them.

It's like they hate me.

I can make things up, but I've lost momentum... I've lost my Players. Almost no one shows up to Game, and now that I'm running it alone, so not a lot gets done. My first reason to ST was to make a Chronicle that everyone could play in and enjoy... and I have currently failed. I don't know why they say I'm forcing a plot down their throats but actively say they're working against it. I can't focus anymore. I lost the purpose and I need to find it again.

Here I am in this dark room by myself thinking that I'm alone inside my own mind as I use to be. Part of me might even enjoy crying, and I know that sounds strange to anyone reading this. Not a public cry, just a little time to let it all empty out of me. I take my Chronicle and my Storytelling very seriously... more than almost anything else... and I am failing at it.

I feel worthless in life and worthless to my friends. The "I can't"s are destroying me. I can't draw, I can't ST, I can't figure out why Maiden seems mad all the time (or even if she's mad at me)... Crunchy hates my story and my NPC's and doesn't often talk to me even when we're in the same house... and Lokimun, well... I suppose I resent him dropping being AST so fast, but mostly I'm worried about running him off like I've run everyone else off.

Also, I miss Moonie and Justice and wish they'd come up with Shroud to go to Game or something.

Lucky for me I'm not writing this for anyone but myself, so if you're bored, that's you're own doing. As it is, I don't want to hold all this inside, and speaking about it aloud doesn't seem to be working at all... so here it is. Journal time.

As a side note, I passed 10,000 pageviews sometime recently, so that's nice. I wish I could celebrate it or something.

Otherwise, I'm done.

See you in the Future.

Hello There, Pageviewer...

I am looking to produce artwork with a motivation, and doing it for money seems like the way to go. I have been in a dry spot as of late, but I can feel the artwork coming back to me. The only problem? I'm still stuck with my same-old ideas and most of what I want to do is a large image.

Now, I may not always finish or upload my best artwork, but money can be a real motivation for me. I'm great with funds, and I know how to pinch a penny until it bleeds. Thusly, I am offering up my services both as an artist and as a web designer. I have been unemployed since January 2008, and all my savings and stored-up good will are beginning to tighen around me.

I may be moving soon to try and lessen the burden... but I tell you now that I would rather do something for someone else that's something I enjoy to make a few bucks here and there than sit behind the computer wondering when this work-study job I'm supposed to have is supposed to kick in.

Glad I don't count someone having a job until the first paycheck comes in, but still. It's annoying to think I'm supposed to have some kind of income and it's still not happened yet... but I digress.

I've looked around and double-checked my costs and long ago decided on the following pricing structure. I believe it is reasonable for the level of detail that I can output, but things are always negotiable. Hell, at this point, I'd love just doing some traded artwork with people if that's not to much to ask. There's a community somewhere here, right?

Black & White Character Image: $10 (Grayscale Detail can apply with limited background doodlage. Examples: Black and White & Grayscale)

Color Character Image: $20 (Something like this or this. A full character shot with coloring and all. Different styles are, of course, negotiable.)

Full Black & White Scene of decent Size and Detail: $15 (Don't do a lot of these because I prefer to color if I'm going to do a whole scene. I believe this and that apply as examples, however.)

Full Color Scene of decent Size and Detail, in Color: $30 (My personal favorites, but also the ones that take me hours of work to complete. I think that Guyver X Vs Guyver47 and Guyver47 riding Huntermun [as a Dragon] are my two best examples of this [as is this].)

You don't have to pay until the image gets finished, of course (through PayPal, hopefully). Keep in mind that, as a commission, I will put more effort into cleaning up the image than I usually do myself (I prefer the organic appearance of having my sketch lines in a picture most of the time) and that my big scene images are often twice or four times as large as I tend to upload them as because I want people to be able to see the image on a single glance. That's the Web Designer in me affecting the artist in me.

I specialize in Anthro Wolves, Guyvers, Reploids, and have a thing for Science Fiction. I'm not beyond drawing normal humans or characters from World of Warcraft. I have a mindset for LARP and RP in general and have a lot of Video Game Experience behind me. I'm looking to work with you to get you the image you're looking for.

As a side-note, I also do graphics for websites. I offer up simple graphics (or a similar set of graphics as a small package) for $5 a pop. If you want to see examples, I can link you to a couple of places or display for you some things I've tried. For now, I will leave that as an option.

I hope some of you will take me up on my offer. It seems like I'm the only artist I know who never gets asked to do commissions. Heck, I seem to be the only one that doesn't even get asked for artwork from my friends anymore... hm.

See you in the Future,
—Huntermun

Dear Watchers,

I'm here. I don't know how many people read my Journal (as I tend to be long-winded), but I just figured I would say that I'm here. I'm uploading (mostly Scraps), and I'm around. If anyone wants to drop me a note to talk to me, go ahead. Also, I'm still taking commissions if you don't feel strange about paying through PayPal.

See you in the Future,
--Huntermun

The Last Journal was kind of a test... it was kind of a way to see if anyone was watching me who might reply to whatever it was that I was saying. I only gave it two days, but I think that might be enough time to check that factor out.

As it is, it seems silly to keep up, so now I'm just writing a journal to replace it. I'm drawing a picture and listening to a MacBreak Weekly... I'm hoping to replace my DeviID soon. Either way, I wanted to let people that I'm alive and that I'm forcing myself to draw more things. Even if they're Doodles, I'm trying to upload.

See you in the Future...

Let's assume you're a Vampire, shall we? If this is the case, I hate you. Your life is a cop-out... a jip. You don't have to play by the same rules as other people, and your nature informs you that we're all sheep or at the very least you're better than us.

Screw you. You know what you are? You're a little fucker who couldn't figure out how to make it through life on his or her own, and now you're undead. Hell, depending on the universe, you may not even have a soul anymore. How does that feel? You're a memory of your previous self, not even the real you. Your unlife is a farce.

Let me say this as clearly as possible: I will end your unlife. No, really. I know the rules, and though they may differ slightly from dimension to dimension, I've got the basics down-pat. Some day, you just wont wake... or you'll cook in the morning sun, having been staked down in your own front yard.

Why do I hate you Vampires? Easy: Your life is a cheat. You got embraced one of a few ways, and I've heard them all:

Someone saw something in that they wanted to keep forever. Maybe you're an artist, maybe you're a sculptured body, or perhaps there's some science that you understand with a genius the world has never seen before... in any of these cases, you may have been an awesome human being... but this means also that you're going by original World of Darkness rules, and in that case, you'll never get any better.

Your art will still have the same strokes, but be soulless (for lack of a better term), your body, however beautiful it was, will never be more so... you'll be like a porcelain doll... that way for ever... and on the genius front, not sure. I think perhaps you can continue to think, but your methods and procedures will never change... forced, in your unchanging undeath, to do what you've always done, the same way you've always done it.

That's the best case, really. What else is there? Anita Blake universe? Well, congrats... you owe your life to your sire and or the Prince of your city. You are at their beck and call. The same above situations for embrace apply, but perhaps you can improve? Your goals, inherently, do not get fulfilled. You do the bidding of others for eternity or until you get the guts to try and take control yourself... and if you were a pathetic human, you're probably a pathetic vampire. Good luck convincing people to follow you in an effort to overthrow the Prince who's been running your town for one or two hundred years. They probably just want the seat themselves and are just using you.

Lastly (in my list, not in possibilities), there's the Buffverse. These are fun vampires because they're some of the weakest there are. On top of not really getting powerful, their prerequisites for embrace are usually one of a few categories: fodder for their plan (way to go), spiting one of the goodguys (your friends now have to stake you), or being someone that those vampires wanted to keep around. Maybe there's something awesome about you as per above. Maybe you just know how to use a computer or fly a plane, and you didn't cooperate... either way, they vamp you just to keep you around... now you're life is the same, you just can't go out during the day.

On the upside (if there is one), vampires of the Buffyverse aren't the same people who got embraced. What happens is your soul flies off to the afterlife, and a demon possess your body (they just happen to keep your memories and experiences). Why is this an upside? It means that even your family and friends can feel good about getting rid of you since you've already moved on. What's a better motivator for killing a vamp than knowing they're imitating and mocking the life and existence of one of your closest friends? Not much else.

So how do I kill you? Firstly, I don't let you the hell in my God damn house. I don't care how you phrase it, you don't get an invite. I know about your dream tricks, too. Go into my dreams and get me to invite you in? Yeah, I know that counts. Screw you, not happening. I have amazing control over my dreams. I also know about the "open invitation"... how leaving your door unlocked can be an invitation, or even leaving it unlocked... I both close and lock my doors, so that means I have me a safe haven. Assuming I am being chased, you can't get me in my home.

Garlic? Check. Holy Water? Know where to get it, and a super-soaker. Sure, it sounds silly, but you'll burn all the same. Crosses? I can get them. Many of them. I may not have all this stuff around me right now, but who does? They only thing I'm missing is faith, and if I find out their are vampires, I've got a good chance to start believing in religion...

I know some of you don't die by stake, you just get paralyzed. Sometimes you can get someone to take it out... but if you don't turn to dust in three seconds, then I'm taking your paralyzed corpse ass and leaving you out on the front lawn, watching you until dawn when you burst into flames. Also, while I may not have an ax handy for a necessary beheading, you can preform much the same with a butcher knife. It just takes longer.

Look, maybe you're not a bad person... but I can't take that chance. Most of you are. You're stronger and faster than I am, and there's no chance an unathletic person such as myself would ever be able to handle you in a straight-up fight. No. I'll play along for a bit, but I will find where you sleep during the day (even if it's in the earth) and I will stake you then. I'm not stupid, but you might be. Most vampires don't expect the sheep to fight back.

In conclusion: you're life is sad. Your existence is a mockery. Vampires live for centuries, cannot go out in the sun, and never really change. Immortally lets you watch all those people you claim to care about die off from old age a little at a time. You care little to nothing for your fellow man, and you don't involve yourself in human society. After all, why would you? You'll be around longer than the US or China or anyone.

Immortality is a curse. What's your best bet? You live on until the earth's end (which I guess isn't that far away). You may have already gone mad form having no blood in you when the last human die, because most vampires don't die from lack of blood... they just don't deal with it well. So some day, when the sun goes super-nova and the earth is but an absorbed rock into it's surface temperature, ask yourself this: was it worth it?