Warning!
Do Not Read This Journal Without Reading This One First!

The Edit is Noted

It is now Tuesday morning around noon, and I have just finished speaking with Crunchy. Oh some level, I am very concerned for my friend and his well being. He has obviously had a traumatic experience of some kind, and I can understand that. He had rigged his life in such a way as to play up this experience even deeper than it has actually gone, and I feel for him on that level.

On the other hand, he's really gone off the deep end. It isn't so much that his version of events was skewed from my version as it is that what he remembers is so far removed from what actually happened that my initial gut reaction was that he was just lying. Then, following that, I began to believe that he actually believes what he was telling me. It was a horror on a level I have rarely experienced in my life.

When asked why it was he was throwing me out the house before the end of our verbal agreement, Crunchy said it didn't have to do with me helping Maiden away from him. He said it had to do with me assaulting him. I consider "assaulting" to be a strong word and initially considered he that he was merely embellishing the story just a tad. However, as his recollection of events came forward, it became apparent to me that he outright remembers the whole situation differently than myself and Maiden do.

Maiden informed me that she agrees with my interpretation of events. Though I am aware that me just saying she agrees doesn't really hit home as sure as her actually posting a reply to say the same. Not to say that I want her too, because she's free to keep things to herself as this was all a horrible experience for her… I'm just noting that I understand that saying that "Maiden said this" wouldn't pass in a court of law. She would have to be called to the witness stand to verify were that the case.

In any event, what Crunchy seems to remember is him calmly stepping at me and asking me to be quite while him and Maiden try to work things out. As he tells it, he put a hand onto my shirt and asked me to step out of it, and that I proceeded to hit him in the face. This obviously did not happen as any one of the people I've actually hit over the years (which is rare, let me assure you) has always walked away with at least one giant purple welt on their face from my first good hit.

Now, Crunchy is very upset, as I said. And the joke of this situation is that, were this version (his version) of events to have happened they way they did, his anger would be completely justified. If I had beaten Crunchy in the face over a simple grazing of his hand to my chest or something, then he would be not only in his right to throw me out but also to call the police upon me. That is all perfectly reasonable, and I would likely feel like shit afterward.

Alas, that is not what happened. As stated previously, I only entered the conversation officially when Crunchy began stating that I had been trying to get "into her pants" all this time. It was at this time he yelled at me to "shut the fuck up" and proceeded to violently grab me upon my jacket (not shirt) with both hands (not just one) upon my shoulders. I define a "violent grab" as "a grab, that when connection is established, causes the target to shake from the impact" for anyone looking for a definition. I had every reason to think that Crunchy himself was going to lay into me… and I have every reason to think now that even in that moment, Crunchy was preparing his Future defense. He does these things.

The question of who started it is now a focal point, you see. He grabbed me, but most people consider a grab to be nothing. So, even though he physically came at me, it was only after the few grabs when I had to slap him in the face (and he kept coming) that a "hit" actually occurred. Thusly, Crunchy maintains that I "hit him first". I suppose that's a matter of opinion… but a troubling opinion to say the least.

Again I have to ask myself why I am posting this, and again it is this problem that Crunchy knows more of "those people" that I know, but rarely see. I'm talking about (using real names, minus last names) Becky, Brian, Jason, Kyle, Rick, and perchance anyone else at our Vampire Camarilla Game. I might like to return to that Game someday, or at least talk to some of those people again, and I certainly don't want Crunchy's version to be the one people hear.

It's not so much that I care what people think about me as much as I care that they don't believe lies about me. Does that make sense? You can have a set of facts and be able to disagree upon their meaning. Should women be able to have abortions? Should we send more troops into Afghanistan? Should I get a PlayStation 3 or an X-Box 360? These are all perspectives that can have facts to support either way and merely have a difference of opinion.

But, let me state again, that Crunchy's version here is completely untrue. You can debate over who swung first--though that would be irrelevant as neither of us actually swung--and that's fine. My main concern right now is for my relationship with Crunchy and his relationship with others. To this I pose simple problem: Is Crunchy actively lying about the events that transpired… or does he actually believe the things he has said? That's the debate. Not who swung first. He grabbed me and I responded… both versions say that, so no dispute on that one.

If Crunchy is lying, then how is he really a friend? And if he would lie about this, then what else has he lied about? What else will he lie about in the Future? This concerns me not for myself but for those people around him… his friends, and his family. If Crunchy lies about this, then where does it stop?

If Crunchy is telling the truth, then is he safe to be around? If he actually thinks this particular instant between himself and me actually happened, then what else is different in his mind? What does he misremember about Maiden's side of the story? What does he misremember about his motivations for getting into the fight to start with? How different is his view of the world now that is is understood by all that it is different.

Personally, I think it's a little of both Column A and Column B. I believe that Crunchy initially made up a lie to make others around him wrong and to cover his own ass and has subsequently begun to believe the lie that he has told. If this is true, then some combination of the two preceding paragraphs is where my feelings lay. In this instance, Thirty Days or not, I should go ahead and get the hell out of this house.

I have said my part, and relayed the new information. As always this is "my version" of events. If you ever want to gather the whole story, you must speak to everyone involved (whether you like them or not) or else you will never know all that happened. Meaning no pressure upon Maiden, but without her it's just his word… against mine

See you in the Future,
--The One True Huntermun

Edit: P.S.: I forgot to mention that out conversation ended by Crunchy demanded I go upstairs because he wasn't in a good place and that he was worried he might hurt me. "This isn't a threat, but" and all that rot, but he said it in his usual way of "no, this really is a threat" if you guys know that tone. Didn't worry me so bad, but perhaps it will later. He's really lost it, one way or another.

The Edit is Noted

Everyone has a side to a story. We all want to be honest with ourselves and our friends, but we can't help it. Our lives, our experiences, and even our genetic code change how it is we feel about the world around us. We may want people to think that we're telling them the truth, but "the truth" is that single thread that you uncover by learning how everyone involved perceives the events being spoken of… and even that isn't 100%.

I am writing this Journal not to tell "how it is", no. I'm writing this Journal to tell how it is for me. I am, in case you didn't see it coming, referring to Crunchy and Maiden breaking up. Normally I would only give my own perspective after a certain amount of time had gone by or some such… at most shared my thoughts among friends. However, this is not the usual… as I was directly involved with the end of this break up and I would like people to know the whole story even if it is my story.

Before I begin, I would say that I do not think Crunchy reads Deviant Art, nor does Maiden likely feel like adding her own thoughts here. This is perfectly understandable. As far as I am concerned, I am writing this Entry to be between myself, the Internet, and "the record"… so that if friends or family want to know "what happened" I don't have to tell the story over and over again like I have this passed week. I can just say: "There's a link for that."

If nothing else, writing the following words allowed me to reference things such as the timestamp of my cell phone and to recall better the events that occurred in the order they occurred, without having to double back on myself. The truth is, typing this up has allowed me to put forth the "best" and most accurate iteration of events as I recall them rather than trying to say all of the following off the cuff.

This story begins for me on Tuesday, November 24, 2009 around 5 A.M. It was at that time that Shroud woke me up while I was still in the middle of getting over a cold. I had a runny nose still and was laying in bed with as many covers as would hold me. He informed me that Crunchy and Maiden were having a fight and asked that if she wishes to leave the house that I be there to be able to let her do so. Being always there for Maiden, I agreed and got myself up out of bed.

Crunchy and Maiden having a fight is nothing special. As a couple, they are completely on the average of as far as fighting goes. Their relationship has had epic bumps in it since it's inception, the result, perhaps, of bad planning for either of them. I cannot say. What I can say is that it has been apparent to me since the start that they were only staying together from the issue being forced (such as Crunchy proposing to her during Christmas last year). American culture has taught us that we must end up with someone, regardless of how right they are for us, and that it doesn't matter because you can always get a divorce them later. It's messed up, but true, and many people get together with people who are not really meant for them.

However, my reason for getting up so quickly right then had little to do with Crunchy and Maiden actually having a fight. No. Instead it tended to have everything to do with my concern for the safety of the two people involved, starting with Maiden. Shroud has an amazing record of assessing a situation and if he called me up at 5 A.M. [Tue Nov 24, 4:58am] and asked me to be ready to take Maiden to safety, he had a damn good reason to do so. That much, at least, I could be certain of.

As a side note, Crunchy's safety also comes into play because if the situation had deteriorated that far that he might do something to Maiden, that would mean Shroud would do something about Crunchy, and since I'm friends with Maiden, Crunchy and Shroud, I wouldn't want that. No matter how you slice it, it was apparent by the mere question of assistance that things were worse than I had even known.

Shroud asked me to just listen to whether there was a fight going on down stairs with them. If there was a fight, then I was to offer Maiden a ride to Shroud. From what I was able to gather later from Shroud and Maiden, he was involved from the start because they were in the middle of a Role-Play that night when Crunchy walked in on Maiden looking at things he disagreed with the on the Internet. So, in an Internet sense, Shroud was "on the phone" when Maiden and Crunchy got into it.

I was dressed and standing at the top of the stars, unable to hear anything going on downstairs, conversation or otherwise. In the grand scheme of "something bad could happen", not hearing anything downstairs created a valid concern in my head as loud yelling followed by silence can be a very bad thing indeed. So, because the stars leading down to the basement creak when you use them, I went out the front door instead. I calmly texted Maiden "I'm awake…" [Tue Nov 24, 5:06am] while I made my way down the driveway and around to the back door, holding the knob on the backdoor carefully to allow myself into the house quietly. I had been concerned that Crunchy would get the message instead of her, but at least the message didn't really say anything…

When I stepped inside I did hear Crunchy and Maiden talking, though I couldn't make out what they were saying (nor was it yet my place to try). So, for the record, I was not eavesdropping. I could not make out what they were saying, only that it was an upset and calm conversation based on the tone I could hear. After about what felt like half an hour of that (but was really five minutes), I decided it wouldn't be well to be "caught" down the stairs, and turned to head back out the downstairs door.

Making my way up the driveway outside, I called Shroud [Tue Nov 24, 5:11am] and let him know that they seemed "OK" but that I would still be mindful. He didn't have much battery left in his phone and said that we should keep our part of the conversations to a minimum incase Maiden needed to call him. He asked again if I could take her wherever she needed to meet him. I agreed to do this (again) as I stepped back inside the house upstairs and went over to the TV, turning it and the 360 on.

I wasn't actually playing any games when I did this. I had turned the volume down low enough so that if some fight erupted downstairs I could hear it over the super-loud fish tank we have in the living room next to the stairs. I fiddled around in the 'Avatar' section of my X-Box 360 hoping that this had all been an overreaction on Shroud's part when I heard a large crash from downstairs. I hurried over to the doorway leading down and listened for more, hearing nothing… and just as I was about to ask if people were OK, I saw Maiden cross by the bottom of the stairs heading towards her room.

I gave it a moment, and I thought I saw Crunchy follow her, but I didn't hear anything more happening. I expected that this was the end of the whole event (in progress), so I put on my coat and shoes and sat back down at the 360. If anyone asked why I had it on, my response would be that "I was expecting to leave in a few minutes" which was true. However, no one asked. Instead, Maiden came up the stairs, looked at me, then headed for the front door… walking outside.

I was just about to follow her, turning off the 360 and TV, when I heard angry footsteps slamming their way up the stairs inside. Crunchy. Quickly, I made soft-steps to the direction of my room and closed the door, putting my back to the towel closet in the hallway there. That way, if he looked, I would be still asleep (as I always close and lock my door when I am sleeping). However, he didn't come my way at all and stormed over to the front door, flinging it open and slamming it behind him as he went outside after Maiden.

I walked up to the front door and stood there behind it about a two feet away, staring at it, trying to hear what might be going on outside… trying to assess whether the two of them were right on the other side of the door or not as I did not want to "walk into it". For some people, this moment would be too long. For others, I should never get involved… but I took my time behind that door weighing the options for getting involved and not getting involved for at least a minute.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, reserving myself to the thought that "what is right is seldom easy". Stepping outside and "getting involved" was sure to be the less-easy of the choices I had presented myself with. I could make things worse. I could ruin not one but two friendships. I could end up getting pissed off and making and ass of myself in between two people who before I had laid down for bed I cared about very much.

They were my friends.

So, yes, I stepped out onto the front porch. They were standing up at the road having a angered discussion… or, more accurately, Crunchy was talking down to Maiden as he does both to her and others when he is upset. His family has taught him that things are a certain way and that is how they are forever. It is because of this that I heard him trying to talk Maiden back into the house or otherwise, saying that he didn't even care if she was breaking up with him… he said he just didn't want her running away from everything her whole life.

It is so hard to stay impartial when it comes to your friends fighting, isn't it? At this point in the story, I was doing my best to "stay out of it" while also looking out for Maiden. Regardless of being friends with them, they both have their faults. Crunchy is close-minded and has to have things his way… and Maiden reserves herself to know everything is her fault some how and that her life will never work out for her. To me, this meant that in this heated discussion, Crunchy would end up "winning" merely because he would have things his way while Maiden caved in to his demands. Therefore, in a taking sides stance, I knew that Crunchy had a far better armory than Maiden and that she was the one I was going to have to watch out for in this conversation.

After a few moments of listening to Crunchy browbeat Maiden and otherwise continue to make her feel like shit, I knew the choice of "door or no door" was the least of my problems. He was telling her how things were: about her running away from her problems, about her not standing up to issues, and all about how she never stands up for herself, and thus always makes the wrong choices. To me, this was upsetting in an ironic sense because if there was one person that Maiden badly needed to "stand up to" over these passed years (and especially now), it was Crunchy. However, as always, he was forming his thoughts in such a way as to build a maze of social interactions for Maiden that would end with him standing there, arms open.

Like I said, some of you may think I already stepped over a line by following them outside… and others may think I should have already spoken up by now. However, it isn't like Maiden or Crunchy are my friends… They both are. This was all kinds of internal conflict between doing what seemed like the right thing to do and not wanting to make things worse. I sighed to myself and walked up to the road, standing just apart from them, and not saying anything.

Let me describe the road every so briefly: There is a hill leading down from the south to the north. It's kind of a big slant, and I always park at the top of the hill. Maiden and Crunchy were standing about four feet down from my paved parking space on the hill, and I was now just below them by another couple of feet. At the "bottom" of the paved area for parking spaces was were the trash bins commonly were as well as a deep and nasty little hole of a ditch that no one should end up in (or their cars).

So, yes, without saying anything, I walked up to the long dozen feet or so between the two of them and that little ditch hole. Crunchy told me to go back inside and I said something like "I really can't do that", because I knew if I were to just turn and nod, going back inside, that any amount of wall that Maiden had been building towards Crunchy's onslaught of words would have been demolished by the giant wrecking ball of "alone" for her. There was no way in hell that doing such a thing was even an option as I felt that Maiden was perhaps barely holding on and I wasn't going to be the thing that threw the conversation in Crunchy's favor.

Shroud texted me, wanting to know what was going on, while Crunchy and Maiden were still talking behind me. I hadn't left them, but Crunchy decided to ignore me, so it worked out. Informing Shroud that: "They are standing next to my car, fighting with words. Crunchy is berating her." [Tue, Nov 24, 5:33am] Two minutes later, Shroud called me and I very softly explained in slightly more detail what was happening as I walked down the parking spaces to the hole I mentioned and he and I set up where we were going to meet up if Maiden ended up wanting away from Crunchy (which was looking very likely). The conversation lasted a scant two minutes and twenty-one seconds, and I hung up to go back to stand where I had been.

Now, for me to get involved further would require more than just knowing it was the right thing (and seriously, it was totally the right thing to do). I listened to him tell Maiden that she'd said she wanted kids, when I have known that she has always despised the thought of having children and that she'd told people as such many times over the year. I listened to him tell her how Shroud had always wanted in her pants, and I while I was certain that wasn't true, it would be Shroud's place to "defend himself", not me… so I continued to stay out of it.

However, when Crunchy said I had wanted into her pants all these years, that was unfortunately my moment. Not to say Maiden isn't attractive (though I do think she looks better with long hair), and no offense to anyone else on the Internet, but: I'm not attracted to anyone. No one. Even when I've tried. Consider it a chemical imbalance or whatever, but I am not attracted to any person, male or female. The closest I can get is a couple science-fiction settings or races as even my own person fetish is something that will likely never happen in real life during my lifetime.

"Crunchy, that's just not--" 'true' is what I was going to say, but Crunchy was upon me. Turning around to face me, I was already interrupted with "Shut the fuck up" in one form or another, over and over again each time I tried to say something. I know Moonie hates to be interrupted, but there's something extra special about swearing, yelling, and invading personal space that puts regular old interruption to shame. I wasn't happy about it, but at least he was taking things out on me instead of Maiden, so that was good.

I was doing just fine in the calm department until Crunchy grabbed me.

My friends will tell you that I have a problem with being close with other people. Hugs bother me a bit, but I've been getting over myself a little at a time in recent years. I'll pat people on the shoulder, push them in jest… things that the circa 1990's Tyler (who I hate) never would have done. Still, it's a problem. Perhaps it's Jeff's fault? Regardless, I have a major problem with someone getting into my face and yelling at me, and in the past I may have already reacted to Crunchy had this happened years before. So, on some level, I'm happy about my resolve.

I didn't even loose all my self control when Crunchy grabbed me, so that's a personal victory all its own. No, I merely reached up with my arms between his and flung them sideways to get his hands off from where he'd grabbed me at my coat collar. It was when he grabbed me a second time, and a third, and more when I lost just enough cool to be mad at myself later. After more than a half-dozen throw-off arm sessions later and a couple of slaps to Crunchy's face did things end, but only after Maiden called out for Crunchy to stop. It was at that point that her words broke me from my "sissy fight" with Crunchy and I sighed, throwing him off again and saying: "What are you, Jeff?".

Jeff, for anyone not aware, is my step-father. He's person who broke my will for about a decade until Moonie and Justice allow me to live with them back in Seneca. It was because of their efforts (and the efforts of my other good friends) that I have slowly worked myself back to being a happier person. Oh, who am I kidding, I was never really happy before. What they really did was allow me to be a happier person, period. Their friendship and help is something that Maiden herself would be much happier with if she just let friends in a little deeper. As it was, Crunchy had slipped over a line with grabbing me that he may not have realized.

Grabbing me was physical contact (obviously). He hit me, plain and simple. True, neither of us threw any punches, but still. He came at me first, and I couldn't help but try and resort to trying to get him off of me. It was during this time, though, that our next-door neighbors from lower on the hill came outside behind me while Crunchy was yelling and grabbing onto me. They asked us to shut up, or shut the fuck up (I forget), and Crunchy told them to "Go the fuck back inside, this doesn't concern you," which I am almost certain is a direct quote.

It was right after that moment and the "What are you, Jeff?" that Crunchy let go of me. I was well aware that the police were likely on their way (and I'm not knocking it. As human being, I would have perhaps called the police if the situation was reversed). Crunchy went back to talking at Maiden, and I used my keychain to unlock the doors on my car from afar. I walked passed them and leaned against my car while Maiden tried to reason with him. I can't recall what she was saying, but through her tears she was being very reasonable and not backing down from him.

Crunchy left to go back inside. I couldn't tell you what he last said, but it was then that Maiden and I began talking. I told her I was only going to take her away if she wanted to go, and that I wasn't going to force her to do anything. I told her I understood the whole fight but that I wasn't fooled that it might be possible for her and Crunchy to part right now and return to each other later. It was still possible for them to make up, though she assured me it would happen.

Also, I apologized to her for slapping Crunchy. I knew that hadn't made things better.

Just as she and I had reserved ourselves to get into my car and leave, headlights of a car slowly appeared up and over the hill behind us. I looked back and smirked, saying "Ah, the police", and then noticing another car coming up from down the hill. "Two of them," I said, and looked to her. "They're going to think I'm the boyfriend for a few seconds, just so you know," I told her.

Now, from the last time that Shroud called until this moment it had been a scant few twenty minutes. I know this because my phone (set to vibrate before I'd even stepped outside) rang just as the police were getting out of their car. I didn't answer it [Tue Nov 24, 5:57 am]. Brownie points for me.

Now, I can only assume that Crunchy was either watching us at the window or listening at the door, because right as the police walked up to Maiden and I, he stepped outside. As he walked up to the road, I saw the confused look on the police officers' face and motioned to each one of us in turn, "Girlfriend, Boyfriend, Friend," I said. "Who lives here?" he asked. "We all do," Crunchy said, and I added, "We all pay rent." Crunchy began to apologize for police coming out (half-heartedly, in my opinion), off-handedly mentioning how the situation was now resolved because "he hit me a a couple of times", motioning to me.

I just shook my head, but the police did end up leaving, and Crunchy did start walking down the hill towards the house. This was when Maiden said "let's just go to the game site," while I thought Crunchy was still within ear shot. While the police started to pull away, I started my Forester and called Shroud up to change the meeting location. I didn't want to risk Crunchy going Stalker Mode, so Shroud and I agreed to meet somewhere else.

To summarize the next part of the story, the three of us did meet up. We had a conversation about what was going on at that time, and Shroud thanked me a lot. His thanks would be echoed by Maiden's brother Dus, um. Huh, he doesn't have a nickname I am aware of. Um, Maiden's brother D, we'll say. Additionally, Moonie (friend to Maiden and myself, and her last boyfriend) would also repeat the thanks that very night.

My concern, as I left Maiden with Shroud, was that when I got back to the house that my things would be all trashed across the yard. While Crunchy had been yelling and grabbing me, he threatened to throw me out and toss my stuff outside… to which I replied that I had paid my rent and was still going to be living there for another eight days or so. Make no mistake, I had no illusions about my chances then. I thought it was fully possible to find my things out on the lawn that morning, or to at least find the doors were locked.

Luckily, nothing happened. In truth, I haven't seen Crunchy again since that morning. The door was unlocked, and I was still sick, an it was kind of cold. All I wanted to do was to go inside and lay down on my bed to try and get better, and so I did. The last time I would speak with Crunchy for days would be when I woke up later that afternoon, ready to go off to my parents for Thanksgiving. I called him up and said, "I have a serious question to ask you," and he said, "What is it?" "Are you kicking me out?" I asked, and he said, "I don't know." I nodded, and said, "Alright, then. If I go to my parents' for Thanksgiving as I planned, will my stuff still be here when I get back?" and he said "Yes." I told him I would see him in the Future then, and said goodbye.

In some way, I did speak with Maiden every single day afterward. Text, IM's, or Phone call. It was Friday [Fri Nov 27, 10:01am] when Crunchy next spoke to me (on the phone). He told me that I had nine days to get my stuff and move out and decided that was going to be the whole phone call. I asked him if I got to say anything, and he wanted to know what.

When I first moved in, Crunchy and I had a specific agreement: If things hit the fan between us, or if something happened in the house and I wasn't working out, that I would have thirty days to get my things and move out. Nine days wasn't enough, and Crunchy's assessment that I had "two weekends" was insulting. I was in the middle of visiting my family for Thanksgiving for the week… I didn't have two weekends, I had one… and even if I started moving this weekend, that would including breaking my family away from their plans, just to help me, because Crunchy was upset.

Forget for a moment that I have no where to go…

Crunchy told me "to bad" and that he didn't care. He even said that if my parents had a problem with it, they could call him. Obviously he wasn't in his right mind, and all these things were amazingly childish in my view. I mean, yeah, I helped my friend Maiden get away from her boyfriend and I expected fallout for that… even being kicked out of the house. But, regardless of the anger, you can still be reasonable about it, right?

It doesn't hurt me to ask for help, so I asked my mom to call him and explain things to him as he obviously wasn't speaking to me. Perhaps he didn't expect that. Either way, the agreement became that my room had to be clear quickly within that time and that I could get the rest of my stuff at a slower pace. I just hope none of my things are busted when I get back to the apartment, which I had originally planned to do tomorrow but think I may go ahead and do a bit of tonight.

Either way, that's most all of my side of the story, so let me throw a couple of additional thoughts your way:

1) If you cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend, you are wrong. Don't pretend you aren't. If things aren't going well, then break it off… but don't just do it an expect apologizing for it will make things all better. However, if you do cheat, and your boyfriend or girlfriend accepts you back, then there's something they should know: The situation is resolved. You are not permitted to throw the indiscretion back in their face at a later date. Why? Because you accepted them back, that's why. If they cheat again, that is different. But if they apologize and you accept them back, you have given them another chance. You are not allowed to hold it over them or throw it back in their face later. It is done.

2) Crunchy and Maiden could still get back together, but I don't think it will happen. Whether they do or not, I will support both of them. They are both my friends, and it takes a lot to break Huntermun's friendship off from you. You're probably stuck with me for life (though Draco recently tested that theory). Either way, I still would like to be friends with them.

3) At some point, Crunchy took a baseball bat after yelling with Maiden and went outside. What day or how many weeks ago this was, I do not know. I heard this from Maiden herself. He also was yelling at her, flicking a switch-blade… and when he got fed up and turned away from her, he threw it into the floor hard enough it stuck there. Again, I don't know when this happened, but it was something Maiden informed me of that needs to go on the record somewhere.

Edit: This all happened the same night as part of stages of the fight. Also, the switch-blade was thrown into dirty clothing, not the floor. I have been informed of these corrections and added this text here as promised.

4) As I was first informed by Shroud and later gotten first-hand from Maiden, Crunchy appeared at D's place (where she ended up) and let himself into her brother's home (by just walking inside). He dropped off some cloths and was asked to leave. That was Tuesday. On Wednesday, he showed up and let himself in again (I guess they must not lock the door) while Maiden was laying on the couch. Awake or not was not specified. D ran him off and said she didn't want to see him. Then, again, on Thursday (Thanksgiving), Crunchy knocked on their door wanting to see Maiden. D called him on the phone and asked him to leave or he would call the police, to which Crunchy went out to his car at the road and sat there. Shortly, when the police showed up, he did in fact leave. These are not the actions of someone who is "taking it well"… and combined with someone who pulls out weapons (if only to hold) while taking with his girlfriend… I think he is far more possessive than I ever gave him credit for over the years.

5) As stated in a previous Journal, and elsewhere through my life, 10% of your life is watching out for other people to make sure they do not purposely or accidentally screw you over. Enemies, Friends, it doesn't matter. In this instance, I am not going quietly into this long goodnight. It is my intention to try and have a conversation with Crunchy to try and understand his actions and (if possible) continue to have a home. Since his parents were going to have to close it down without further help, I don't see how loosing two pieces of rent is beneficial in the long run.

6) I have wondered what Crunchy is telling other people or even what he told his parents. I certainly haven't chosen to leave… and unlike when Maiden almost left him two years ago, this time I wasn't privy to any of that information so it was a surprise to me. Yes, them breaking up is in no way a surprise… but that it happened without me even realizing it was about to. I feel kind of bad… like I wasn't paying close enough attention.

7) There was a crash downstairs before Maiden came up them. It had concerned me at the time, but her and Crunchy seemed unhurt. Still, I don't know what it was.

If I can think of more later, I will likely edit this Journal. For now, consider this my version of events. Hopefully I will get to speak with Crunchy. Hopefully I will have a place to go. Hopefully Maiden will be OK. Only time will tell, and in that regard, well…

…I'll See you in the Future.

I sit here in my dark little room, thinking to myself that something is wrong in my life. It's an old feeling, back from the days of Tyler... before Huntermun ever breathed his first breath. It's a horrible thought to think about, because I've done so much work getting away from all that depressing lifestyle... but when you only have a few select things to do in your days, and you feel like you're doing bad at all those few things... it doesn't leave you a lot to be happy with.

I miss drawing. Something is keeping me from it. I don't know what. I have a whole bunch of pictures in my head, but I can't seem to form any of them up. I think Moonie use to speak of this, but I haven't had this kind of drawers block before or for so long. It's not that I can't think of anything to draw. I can. I can even picture it... but whenever I sit down to draw these things, something stops me... saps the will to do it form me.

I miss my 360... I can't get people to play the Wii with me, and my PS3 is too often a hassle. I know the Wii's excuse, but you'd think that Sony would have figured out a way to give you notifications of friends, be able to compare Trophies without having to load anything to the internet, and have a more obvious message system. I miss being able to just hit a button and see how many friends I have online and who's playing what.

Lokimun is around a lot, and I'm glad he's here. I am getting to see a whole lot of TV shows and such on DVD that I have again after so long... because I hate watching them alone and now he's always here. I hate doing just about anything alone. I'll even do things I hate if I get to do them with other people. And with Maiden and Crunchy hanging out in the basement almost constantly, I rarely get to see either of them.

I think my faults among myself and my friends have to do with my LARP Game that I've been running for just this side of two years. I am not the Storyteller I set out to be. I initially started my Game because no one else would do it... no one would run a Chronicle... and it occurred to me that I do enjoy a good story and can manage to tell one most of the time... and so if no one else would run a Game, then I would. My point was not to be in charge or to do things differently... it was to run a Game that at worst was average and at best was epic... so that other people could have fun.

I succeeded and I failed in a lot of different ways over these two years. My Game is the longest running of any LARP I've ever been a part of at 56 Games, and the first weekend of November 2009 will start my Third Year. I've managed to keep the story straight and to keep moving forward with it... but in the grand scheme of things, I don't think anyone cares about it. I don't think it's interesting to other people, and I'm not sure how to make it so... so on that level, I have largely failed.

You can't please everyone all of the time, but I still thought I could manage a better average after all this time. It's been in a rut and I've given serious thought to making a plot to end it all. Maybe I will... The disagreements stack up... liberties with the universe, changing of the rules, adding to the rules, allowances of certain types of characters... I seem to have upset someone at each and every turn, and I am running out of ideas of how to deal with it.

I need new blood, but I can't get it. Oh, what I would give to have the input of an AST again as I'm now running things alone... but more enjoyable would be if I could manage to talk someone into taking over the story at some point so that they could bring new ideas into the Chronicle... and that perhaps I could play.

I want to ST because I think I'm good at it and because I don't think anyone else will. If I stop, who runs Game? But is it better to have any Game at all than to have no Game? The Vampire Game here in Greenville is shit, but it's a Cam Game so it just keeps going on and on. Do I want to be that Game? The running gag, the joke... the 'Oh yeah, Tyler's Game' Chronicle? No. I don't. If people aren't having fun, I should stop. It's the logic that got me into this whole mess...

I started being ST for people to have fun... but if people aren't having fun, then I'm just a failure. If people aren't having fun, I should just stop. It's not like I haven't tried to renew interest... I have. But it's been about half a year of people being disinterested in my Game... of my Players talking to each other without including me about all that's wrong and leaving me out of things. I want to know what's wrong so I can fix it, and no one's been telling me.

I did my bi-yearly questionnaire at this past Game. I asked everyone all their problems and they all told me... Now I have a list of what to keep track of and what's expected of me, and I have a goal to aim for to fix everything. Will it matter? No offense to my Players and friends, but I doubt it. I think I've lost everyone's trust in being a good ST... and so even if I can get going in the right direction, I don't think anyone will care. Everyone has done their own thing and gone out of their way to avoid any story I ever lay down before them...

Crunchy says he hates my story and my NPC's, but will in the same breath say he doesn't know what the story is. Lokimun claims to have gone out of his way to interact with my story, but I cannot recall an active effort on his part to see my story. The truth is, in the beginning I more or less forced people to go along with my plot in one form or another, and it worked and they had fun, but a lot of people disliked that. When I freed up the story so they could do what they wanted and still pursue the story, most everyone choose to do their own thing...

I'm just rambling at this point, but I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, I want everyone to have fun and I have a plan try and get that in motion... but on the other hand, my Players distrust my choices and spit in my face at every turn. They may not realize it, but I know I currently suck as an ST. They think because I make big choices about Game as an ST that go along with what I think after speaking with them that I'm not listening to them. It's not true. I take in all choices, and then go with my gut... but to them, I am ignoring them.

It's like they hate me.

I can make things up, but I've lost momentum... I've lost my Players. Almost no one shows up to Game, and now that I'm running it alone, so not a lot gets done. My first reason to ST was to make a Chronicle that everyone could play in and enjoy... and I have currently failed. I don't know why they say I'm forcing a plot down their throats but actively say they're working against it. I can't focus anymore. I lost the purpose and I need to find it again.

Here I am in this dark room by myself thinking that I'm alone inside my own mind as I use to be. Part of me might even enjoy crying, and I know that sounds strange to anyone reading this. Not a public cry, just a little time to let it all empty out of me. I take my Chronicle and my Storytelling very seriously... more than almost anything else... and I am failing at it.

I feel worthless in life and worthless to my friends. The "I can't"s are destroying me. I can't draw, I can't ST, I can't figure out why Maiden seems mad all the time (or even if she's mad at me)... Crunchy hates my story and my NPC's and doesn't often talk to me even when we're in the same house... and Lokimun, well... I suppose I resent him dropping being AST so fast, but mostly I'm worried about running him off like I've run everyone else off.

Also, I miss Moonie and Justice and wish they'd come up with Shroud to go to Game or something.

Lucky for me I'm not writing this for anyone but myself, so if you're bored, that's you're own doing. As it is, I don't want to hold all this inside, and speaking about it aloud doesn't seem to be working at all... so here it is. Journal time.

As a side note, I passed 10,000 pageviews sometime recently, so that's nice. I wish I could celebrate it or something.

Otherwise, I'm done.

See you in the Future.

Hello There, Pageviewer...

I am looking to produce artwork with a motivation, and doing it for money seems like the way to go. I have been in a dry spot as of late, but I can feel the artwork coming back to me. The only problem? I'm still stuck with my same-old ideas and most of what I want to do is a large image.

Now, I may not always finish or upload my best artwork, but money can be a real motivation for me. I'm great with funds, and I know how to pinch a penny until it bleeds. Thusly, I am offering up my services both as an artist and as a web designer. I have been unemployed since January 2008, and all my savings and stored-up good will are beginning to tighen around me.

I may be moving soon to try and lessen the burden... but I tell you now that I would rather do something for someone else that's something I enjoy to make a few bucks here and there than sit behind the computer wondering when this work-study job I'm supposed to have is supposed to kick in.

Glad I don't count someone having a job until the first paycheck comes in, but still. It's annoying to think I'm supposed to have some kind of income and it's still not happened yet... but I digress.

I've looked around and double-checked my costs and long ago decided on the following pricing structure. I believe it is reasonable for the level of detail that I can output, but things are always negotiable. Hell, at this point, I'd love just doing some traded artwork with people if that's not to much to ask. There's a community somewhere here, right?

Black & White Character Image: $10 (Grayscale Detail can apply with limited background doodlage. Examples: Black and White & Grayscale)

Color Character Image: $20 (Something like this or this. A full character shot with coloring and all. Different styles are, of course, negotiable.)

Full Black & White Scene of decent Size and Detail: $15 (Don't do a lot of these because I prefer to color if I'm going to do a whole scene. I believe this and that apply as examples, however.)

Full Color Scene of decent Size and Detail, in Color: $30 (My personal favorites, but also the ones that take me hours of work to complete. I think that Guyver X Vs Guyver47 and Guyver47 riding Huntermun [as a Dragon] are my two best examples of this [as is this].)

You don't have to pay until the image gets finished, of course (through PayPal, hopefully). Keep in mind that, as a commission, I will put more effort into cleaning up the image than I usually do myself (I prefer the organic appearance of having my sketch lines in a picture most of the time) and that my big scene images are often twice or four times as large as I tend to upload them as because I want people to be able to see the image on a single glance. That's the Web Designer in me affecting the artist in me.

I specialize in Anthro Wolves, Guyvers, Reploids, and have a thing for Science Fiction. I'm not beyond drawing normal humans or characters from World of Warcraft. I have a mindset for LARP and RP in general and have a lot of Video Game Experience behind me. I'm looking to work with you to get you the image you're looking for.

As a side-note, I also do graphics for websites. I offer up simple graphics (or a similar set of graphics as a small package) for $5 a pop. If you want to see examples, I can link you to a couple of places or display for you some things I've tried. For now, I will leave that as an option.

I hope some of you will take me up on my offer. It seems like I'm the only artist I know who never gets asked to do commissions. Heck, I seem to be the only one that doesn't even get asked for artwork from my friends anymore... hm.

See you in the Future,
—Huntermun

Dear Watchers,

I'm here. I don't know how many people read my Journal (as I tend to be long-winded), but I just figured I would say that I'm here. I'm uploading (mostly Scraps), and I'm around. If anyone wants to drop me a note to talk to me, go ahead. Also, I'm still taking commissions if you don't feel strange about paying through PayPal.

See you in the Future,
--Huntermun