I have a very interesting time with jobs, and it is this: I cannot keep them.

If I include all the web-page work I've had to do, then I've had 13 jobs in 7 years. I've been let go, not required the services of, be made to quit for school, ran out of funding on, bumped out for someone closer, fired over getting sick and having my points high, leaving for having a job in a bad part of the state, and now for ringing myself up.

I have, quite likely, the worst track-record for jobs of any one person I've ever known. I don't even get it anymore. I give up. Obviously, this will never work out... I just want to know why.

As of last Friday, I no-longer work at my most recent favorite job... Gamestop. It didn't pay jack, but I got to talk about games all day and help customers make informed decisions. I was not a salesman, but a Games Associate, as my title described.

It was more important to have you trusting my opinion than it was for me to sell to you. If I sold you a piece of shit, you would know, and then you wouldn't buy anything else, right? Might as well make sure you'll get something you'll like so you'll come back.

Why was I fired this time? (And, I should note, it's only my second "fired" out of 13)... hm? I rang myself up for a transaction. Yup. That's it. It's against policy to ring yourself up, and I knew that... I just didn't know it was a big deal. I'd done it before, or so I thought. I guess not, or I would have already been fired.

I'm really sick of this. Do I only get fired because I tell the truth? I must try otherwise next time... but this time it was all pretty obvious. Did you ring yourself up? Did you know it was wrong? Were you on camera?

Yes, Yes, and Yes again.

"I'm also on camera not stealing a fucking thing you dickhead," is what I wanted to say. I mean, seriously, we're the only store (3363... Columbia, SC) that has cameras in our district (as I'm to understand it)... so we get watched. Us. Not the customers. Me, William, Justin, Dave, Ethan, and the rest... We get watched to see if we're sitting, to see if the Gamestop TV is running, and to make sure we don't steal. It's supposed to be there for the customers, but it's really just for Joey to watch us.

"I don't think of it as firing someone as much as I think of it like filing paperwork."

You know what, Joey (District Manager, and instrument of my untimely termination)? It's firing. Get the fuck over yourself. I know you're all serious and business-like, but I don't need to hear the excuse as to how you can sleep at night, or whatever. "I'm an uncaring prick, and thus you admitting to your wrong-doing has taken all the fun out of actually canning you," is what he should have said.

Gah. I'm not even mad. I'm not mad because it's expected. I can't have a job. It's against the laws of reality. I can't get comfy... I can't do my job the best I can and keep doing it. I can't be honest when I make a mistake. What the fuck is going on?

So... let me understand this: I'm supposed to lie, cheat, and steal... like "everyone" does... and just make sure I never get caught. Do you know what my IQ is? I've watched enough Monk and fucking Columbo to never ever get caught. I'm too good at lying, which is why I never do it. It sickens me. I'm too good a person to do that crap... but boy could I.

Seriously, what's the point? I'm a good person. I want to stay that way... but if the only way to keep a job is to be as underhanded as what I envision the worst of all employees to be, then maybe I should be. Is that all that works? Someone help me, please... I don't get it.

Thirteen jobs in seven F'n years? This is madness.

I want to work at a job I can do... and be happy doing... and enjoy doing... helping people... and should I make a mistake, I would like to be treated better than a theft, like the guy who lost his job so that I could have mine. I want someone to say "Hey, this guy could have lied to us, but he told the truth. He's an honest kid who made a mistake, and he's owned up to that. Let's let this one slide." Is that too much to ask?

Guess so.