You know... so many people (myself included) talk about how life isn't working out for them, and how things are going downhill. I know I use to really ponder ending my life... that nothing ever seemed to get better, only worse, and that it was going to be like that forever.

Now, I was really young, but when you're young, ending your life doesn't always seem like such a bad idea or such a big thing. You don't really know the meaning of your life or what you can do with yours at that point. You kind of take your existance for granted.

I know this more now at this age than I ever did when I was younger.

Sometime around late-middle school I realized that suicide was the coward's way out. Sounds a little odd, but when kids are making fun of you and such, and pushing you around, treating you like crap, one of the only ways to defy that and get past it is to make something out of your own life... start making your own set of rules to live by because everyone else's rules just aren't for you.

I've come up with a few rules and a few variations over my lifetime. As I've grown older, newer rules have taken the place of previous ones.

Need an example? How about this... I use to have a rule where for all the good or bad that happened in your life, an equal amount of it would occur to balance everything out. Law of Equilibrium, basically. Cause and Effect... for a few days worth of crap you go through in a week, you may have a really great Saturday. For a few good, lucky things that might happen to you one afternoon, you'll wake up having a bad dream the next morning which will ruin your whole day... things like that.

Keep in mind, things are always in relevance to how much importance you put on them, not nessisarily how much importance others put on them... or even how much importance you think you should be putting on them. This law only works for certain when you have your own ways of measuring how important things are to you in your own life.

The thing about this (and other rules) that I've learned about during my life is that one rule the trumps all the others. Force of Will. You can Will things to happen... anything.

Somethings you may do by accident... like you expect something to happen and it does (wether you really wanted it to or not). Otherthings you do yourself... like wanting a passing grade for example. Your want to simply pass a class might be enough to allow other things to fall into place for it to happen. Perhaps you teacher assigns you something to research, and it's actually something you would like to know more about... something simple like that.

But in the end, here, this Journal ended up not being about what I wanted it to be about. I was going to talk about Ports... Video Game Ports (like Prince of Persia: Warrior Within) and go on this whole thing about how games are sometimes designed to work on other systems better than the system you're playing it for.

Instead, this is what I wrote about... hm...

Basically, I desided (during the time I was writing my opening), that I wanted to do something constructive with my journals... have a message, tell a story, something... rather than just say that I'm having to move back in with my parents and my life is going to suck and all that. From now on... I'm going to try and have a bright side... something to learn or something to think about later.

However, having come to this kind of feeling, I'm going to end this right here. I'll check you all out in the Future, as per usual.

—Huntermun